With My Own Two Hands

They ARE Good and Strong

I recently read an interview with a local designer in our regional periodical. It was part of a special insert re: Portland interiors, so I should have known better to tread lightly, but instead I thought, “ah yes, practical advice for the proles” and read on with interest.

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The interview was about kitchen renovations. The kitchen in our 1950s ranch home was frozen in time. I think it was last renovated in the 90’s, but most of it was still original. Wallpapered in a square pattern. Linoleum floor, also in a square pattern. Dusty blue formica countertops. The original cabinets were painted a dull pale yellow. But the real centerpiece was the 1960s Frigidaire oven/range, a Space Age style cooker that apparently Elvis also had in his Graceland home. The range slides out like a drawer and the oven doors lift in a way that reminds me of a Lamborghini.

Still works, for the most part.

So what did this Portland interior designer have to say about updating kitchens? This wasn’t Architectural Digest, after all, it’s an interview in our free weekly paper, so this must directed at regular-shmegular people, right? Ah, dear reader - how foolish of me to think so.

“You should budget around $100,000 for a kitchen renovation”.

Huh??

“Never use IKEA cabinets. For quality, you really must do custom cabinets”.

IKEA cabinets are fine, and also, not even that affordable, for a lot of people??

“Homeowners shouldn’t take on any of the project themselves to save money, it never turns out as well as you’d expect. You want your house to be Pinterest-ready, right?”

Excuse me???

I was clearly in enemy territory. This advice wasn’t meant for me, it was directed at people with retirement plans and multiple yearly vacations and who receive fancy furniture catalogs in the mail on purpose. People who hire firms to install period-correct custom millwork in their Craftsman homes with original stain glass windows and tankless water heaters with reverse osmosis.

I threw the special insert aside (politely recycled it) and set about with my original plans: do everything myself, slowly, and spend as little money as possible.

Allow me to furiously refute all that trash advice with visual evidence of having done the exact opposite:

I dipped the entire kitchen in paint: ceiling, walls, and floor. I painted the cabinets a couple doors at a time in the garage after removing all the hardware, which I replaced. We kept the countertops, recaulked the sink, and replaced the faucet with a new Moen model that was on sale. The dishwasher had been replaced last summer as it never worked to begin with, but we kept all the other appliances. The weird patch on the floor has been helpfully hidden under an eye-catching runner, which was also on sale.

We’re reusing a utility cart I’d previously had in my art studio. We reused an old IKEA light fixture in one corner and plan on replacing the ceiling pendant later. The metal blinds will also be updated sometime in the future. Unlike in magazines and HGTV, house updates don’t have to happen overnight like magic.

I utilized the advantage of my artistic skills and painted the fish illustration and slapped it into an old frame. The pillow is old. The cushion was already there. The Nespresso gifted. The cereal boxes mostly empty. My heart, full.

I admit that in the past I’ve used shades of gray on interior walls, but no more. I am a reformed Millenial and we embrace lots of color in our house. I especially love a red-orange door. Next to that I painted a transitional wall with chalkboard paint because kids love to draw on walls and heck so do I.

All told, I spent about six weeks on this project and less than $700, and our kitchen feels refreshed. Never underestimate the magical powers of paint. I had to take the time out of my studio work, but in a way this counts. I love to make my home feel like an extension of my art.

‘Til next time, friends.

Maryanna